HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Texas Court of Appeals ruled Tuesday that gay people can’t get divorced in Texas.
It’s not a lifestyle that’s encouraged in the South.
Last week a Texas teenager got kicked off his high school football team for saying something witty in the huddle.      
Paris Hilton was arrested in Las Vegas for cocaine possession recently when coke fell out of her purse while a cop was busting her for pot. Her family is fed up.
The Hilton Family Foundation just offered Paris $10 million to change her name to Motel Six.
The Hispanic Center in Washington reported Wednesday that the number of illegal aliens in the U.S. fell last year.
What’s here for them? No one wants to say it feels like this recession is never going to end, but the double-digit unemployment number is now old enough to drink.
Michael Douglas discussed his throat cancer with Dave Letterman Tuesday. His recovery will proceed in three stages.
First the cancer is blasted into remission by radiation, then more radiation eradicates all remaining cancer cells, and then he apologizes for all the nasty things he said about nuclear power in The China Syndrome.
The White House hosted Israeli leader Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian leader Mahmoud Abbas for Mideast peace talks Wednesday and they both praised President Obama’s vision for peace. They know the rules. You say that or you don’t get dinner.   
Obama gave a televised address from the Oval Office last week on ending the Iraq War. It forced him to declare victory in a war he bitterly opposed.
He looked like Sidney Poitier accepting the Academy Award for Yosemite Sam, except Sidney would be more sincere.   
Frank McCourt battled Jamie McCourt in divorce court in L.A.
Wednesday for control of the Dodgers.
No one seems to care. People in Los Angeles used to be riveted by high-profile divorce cases until O.J. Simpson made them look like undercard bouts.   
Saddam Hussein’s daughter Raisa had no comment on the U.S.-declared end of the war in Iraq.
She’s living as a guest of the King of Jordan.
Every day she looks at the polls and realizes it’s just three years before President Jeb Bush overthrows the guest house.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)