Happy Tuesday, everybody, and God bless America.
Steve Martin hosted an Independence Day show in the Hollywood Bowl with a fireworks show, the L.A. Philharmonic and the Air Force Band. The audience was lucky. In most parts of L.A. the Fourth of July is more about reassuring yourself that what you just heard was fireworks.
Bank of America said the U.S. overtook Saudi Arabia as the top oil-producing nation last quarter. It’s due to the success of hydraulic fracturing of shale in old U.S. oil fields. It’s such a magnet of opportunity that last month alone a dozen earthquakes left California for Oklahoma.
President Obama had a service member citizenship ceremony at the White House on July Fourth. Fifteen foreign-born soldiers and sailors became citizens. At the end of the ceremony, Mr. Obama handed them Hawaiian birth certificates in case they ever want to run for president.
Los Angeles police seized a ton of illegal fireworks and arrested the roadside vendors on Friday. The ban on fireworks in many cities doesn’t stop true patriots. You can have my fireworks when you pry them from my cold dead fingers, which are right over there by the sidewalk.
Alex Rodriguez asked his lawyer to reduce his bill Thursday due to the lengthy suspension his advice got him. It’s humbled him. In a press release, A-Rod thanked all his family, friends and fans for their support, and then he thanked all the horses and cattle for their testosterone.
Germany’s soccer team defeated France in the World Cup quarter-finals Friday, sending German fans in the stadium and in Germany into a frenzy. Old habits die hard. The match was extra tough for the French because part of their team was cooperating with the Germans.
The National Football League announced the referees are going to crack down this year on excessive celebrations. The dancing and finger-wagging and high-fiving is out of hand. NFL players are being ordered not to show off too much after a touchdown, a sack or a murder.
The White House acknowledged the failure of the Border Patrol to stop the recent flood of refugees from Mexico. Guarding our border is a tough and grueling job. If we want to get the job done and done right, we’re going to have to hire Mexicans to work for the Border Patrol.
Donald Sterling sued the NBA for banning him over racially-tinged remarks he made to his mistress not knowing she was secretly recording him. It’s tense in Tinseltown. Everyone in L.A. agrees it’s a dark day for open and frank dialogue between billionaires and their mistresses.
The U.S. Navy announced Monday it’s begun testing an autonomous seagoing robot called the Mechanical Tuna which can fool enemy radar. It’s built to completely blend in with the other sea life moving in the ocean. The Mechanical Tuna is made by Mercury, just like real tuna.
Hurricane Arthur slammed into the outer banks of North Carolina Friday. It knocked out power for one hundred thousand people. The good news is that the families who jumped in their SUVs and headed north ahead of the hurricane were getting six hundred miles per gallon.
President Obama ripped Congress for refusing to pass immigration reform. GOP House leaders said they don’t trust Obama to enforce the border. Immigration reform advocates point out that illegal aliens will do the job Americans refuse to do, like run the U.S. government.
President Obama dared Congress to sue him if they don’t like the laws he’s going to enact without Congress. His timing was unfortunate. On July 4, a guy on the radio read the middle part of the Declaration of Independence and it sounded just like an anti-Obama rant.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.