BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The White House was evacuated Tuesday when a small plane accidentally wandered over the mansion.
It was just a student pilot in a Cessna.
The kid was flying directly over the United States so President Obama was never in any danger of being struck by the plane.
Obama slipped to the lowest approval rating of his presidency at 39 percent in the Zogby poll Tuesday.
What a fall. When Barack Obama first became president he was so popular that the Ku Klux Klan offered him an associate membership.   
Obama hosted dinner at the White House on Thanksgiving.
After dinner the chef served up blueberry pie, sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie, banana cream pie, cherry pie and apple pie.
We used to win wars to inspire children to want to grow up to be president.
The USS George Washington tried to prevent a war between South Korea and North Korea Thursday.
They exchanged fire all day long. This is what happens when relatives don’t have pro football games to keep them from talking to each other on Thanksgiving Day.   
The White House hosted a science fair last week hoping to inspire teenagers to take an interest in science. It’s critical to our nation’s future.
U.S. test scores in math and computer science are so low that it’s got al-Qaeda wondering if it’s worth the trouble to destroy the country.
Randy Quaid asked Canada for asylum Wednesday after a long year of fleeing felony charges across America.
He’s a great comic actor.
The U.S. hopes to extradite Randy so he can attend the premiere of his next comedy, “National Lampoon’s Leavenworth Vacation.”
Dr. Ruth Westheimer urged single people to experience intimate contact during the holidays for their emotional well-being. All you have to do is buy an airline ticket and walk through security. Buy a ticket on Southwest and it’s cheaper than a hooker or a gigolo.
Los Angeles Airport reported no lines at security gates on Thanksgiving Day.
It’s the only airport where they scan arriving passengers. When you get off your plane the TSA runs you through the machine and if you have a nice enough body you’re allowed into Los Angeles.
Tom DeLay faces prison time after his conviction on money laundering and fraud charges Wednesday. He’s not through making history. His hot samba number on “Dancing with the Stars” could make Tom DeLay the first Republican ever initiated into a Mexican prison gang.   
The U.S. Mint unveiled the new Abraham Lincoln one-dollar coin Wednesday to honor his many great speeches.
He was killed by stage star, John Wilkes Booth, in the balcony of Ford’s Theater.
The Civil War had just ended, but not the animosity of actors toward comedians.
Prince William caused a ruckus by landing his Royal Navy helicopter on his fiancee’s lawn in Southern England. His friends point out that the aircraft fired no shots and left in less than a minute. The locals simply assumed they were being invaded by the French.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)