God bless America, and how’s everybody?
NBA Commissioner Adam Silver suspended for life L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling on Tuesday. He asked NBA owners to force him to sell the team. Americans agree it’s a dark day indeed for the future of open and free dialogue between billionaires and their mistresses.
The L.A. Clippers lost sponsors CarMax, Red Bull, Corona, Loan Mart and an Indian casino due to Donald Sterling’s racial rant caught on tape. It’s sad. In one unguarded moment, Don Sterling ruined the good name of used cars, liquid speed, beer, gambling and loan sharking.
The NAACP withdrew the NAACP Image Award it was about to award Donald Sterling at the group’s banquet next month in Beverly Hills. It’s all good. They’re still going to honor Donald Sterling, only they’ll be giving him The Reason We Still Need the NAACP Award instead.
Toyota announced Monday it’s transferring its North American offices from Los Angeles to the Dallas suburb of Plano. The announcement was made after the fact. Toyota was going to relocate in New Mexico but the company couldn’t come to a complete stop until it got to Texas.
Pope Francis issued a homily to his four million followers on Twitter Tuesday declaring that inequality is the root of all social evil. He feels that sin emerges from the feeling of superiority. Still, as of Tuesday, the Vatican hadn’t withdrawn its sponsorship of the Clippers.
Pope John Paul II was canonized into sainthood on Sunday in a ceremony in Rome. Thirty years ago as pope he survived an attempt on his life by the Soviet Union when the KGB hired a Turkish assassin to shoot him. No one could forget the KGB’s assertion that the pope fired first.
Jeb Bush meets next week with the president of the Southern Baptist Convention, Dr. Eric Moore. He shouldn’t go to the meeting all alone. They say if you go fishing with a Baptist, you should bring a third person along because if it’s just the two of you, he’ll drink all your beer.
Sarah Palin electrified the NRA convention Saturday when she told the crowd she would baptize Islamic radical terrorists by waterboarding them. She was on a roll. The afternoon before the speech, Sarah went to the Indianapolis Zoo and she had to stop three times to re-load.
George Clooney is engaged to British lawyer Amal Alanmudden who’s from a prominent Beirut family. She represents the Wikileaks defendant Julian Assange. Greater love hath no woman than she who could read the transcripts of George Clooney’s old phone calls but doesn’t.
Donald Sterling’s wife Rochelle said she owns half the Clippers and she has no intention of selling the team. That would mean player boycotts. Donald Sterling may be consigned to live out the rest of his life looking for somebody who’ll sell him an all-white basketball team.
The White House Council on Women and Girls announced Monday it will take steps to try to reduce stalking on college campuses nationwide. The definition is quite simple. Stalking is whenever two people go on a long romantic walk together and only one of you knows about it.
The University of California at Riverside was named the top college in the country by the Obama Administration with UC San Diego second. The honor is based on two criteria. It’s given to the school that’s deepest in debt and has the best year-round weather for the golf team.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.