HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Michelle Obama was booed by NASCAR fans at Miami Speedway on Sunday when she was introduced to start the race.
It’s her own fault.
She made a big mistake before the race by going to the concession stands and ordering them not to sell beer and French fries.
The Super Committee failed to get a budget deal in Congress Monday.
None of them wanted to risk their jobs by voting for something unpopular.
Forbes just revealed that there are two hundred fifty millionaires sitting in Congress, the rest are in their first term.
New York cops arrested lone wolf al-Qaeda sympathizer Jose Pimintel Monday.
They caught him making pipe bombs.
He’s also known as Muhammad Yusef, but he uses his Hispanic name so he can come back and forth across the U.S. border without being stopped.
NASA will launch the Mars Curiosity Rover on a nine-month voyage to the Red Planet this week. It’s equipped with drilling bits, video cameras and chemical sensors.
They’re anxious to find out whether there’s life on Mars and if there is, if Justin Bieber is the father.
Georgia became the last state in the union to approve a city option allowing retailers to sell liquor on Sundays.
Maybe it’ll help soothe the tensions that tear us apart.
We live in a world where Jews don’t recognize Jesus, Arabs don’t recognize Israel, Protestants don’t recognize the pope and where Baptists don’t recognize each other in the liquor store.
Discovery Channel shows two men escaping Botswana’s marshland on Dual Survival Sunday.
We use many terms from the jungle.
For instance, a cougar is an older woman who seduces young men, and an older man who seduces young boys is called a Nittany Lion.
North Carolina rescue helicopters found three lost Boy Scouts alive and well Sunday somewhere in the Smoky Mountains.
The rescue choppers found them just in time.
The boys had gotten lost on a hike and wandered within a mile of the Assistant Coaches Jubilee.
Iowa farmers were reported Monday to be receiving huge offers from agribusiness corporations for farms they own.
Rich soil has become the world’s most valuable commodity.
This explains why all the GOP candidates are competing for the endorsement of the Sultan of Des Moines.
Newt Gingrich addressed an Iowa family values group Monday.
He urged Occupation Wall Street protesters to go home, to get a bath and to get a job.
Newt has surged to the top because he’s one of the two GOP candidates who can remember three things at a time.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)