Tommy Joe Kelly, unsuccessfully acting as his own lawyer, was convicted of slashing a stranger’s tire by an Austin, Texas, jury, despite his explanation.
“OK, I’m going to tell you the truth on this one,” he said from the witness stand.
“It doesn’t sound right, but it is. I had hemorrhoids at that time, super duper bad.”
There have been 391 tire slashings in Kelly’s neighborhood over the last four years, but he was charged with only one count, and sentenced to 10 years in jail.
Dale Foughty, 56, was charged with robbing a convenience store in Jacksonville, N.C., despite attempting to intimidate the clerk by dressing as Spiderman.
However, the clerk poked Foughty in the stomach with a broom, sending him away empty-handed.
Cody Smith, 18, was charged with snatching a woman’s purse in Johnson City, Tenn.
The victim chased Smith into nearby shrubbery, entangling him long enough for her to recover the purse.
Two men, attempting a robbery of the Ace Smoke Shop in Altadena, Calif., fled after grabbing only part of the store’s cash.
They were frightened off by the manager’s barking Chihuahua.
(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa Fla. 33679 or go to www.newsoftheweird.com.)