Hey. Do you ever wonder if you are developing the characteristics prevalent to the “older” crowd? It’s not a disease, you know. It’s called “maturin.” If you answer yes to half of them, you are definitely in the “senior” society. If you answer yes to 10 or less, you are not necessarily “there” yet. If you answer yes to 5 or less, you are under 50.
Here’s some of the top signs that might indicate your age group.
1. Forgetting people’s names. (Sometimes I sit in the car at the grocery store after seeing someone go into the store whose name simply escapes me. I go through the alphabet. Yes, it works.)
2. Losing hair (men especially? Not necessarily.)
3. Feeling stiff (stretch!)
4. Talking a lot about your joints/ailments. (We hear that we shouldn’t do that. Why? It’s what’s of interest to us now.)
5. Groaning when you bend down. (Fred thinks I am exaggerating. Can’t be that bad, he thinks.)
6. Not knowing any songs in the top 10. (Songs? Can’t even understand the words)
7. Misplacing your glasses/bag/car keys, etc. (every single thing has its place, a place for every thing.)
8. Getting more hairy in places that don’t need hair! – chin, nose holes, face, ears etc. (Women, please trim your husbands ear thickets!)
9. Avoiding lifting heavy things due to back concerns.
10. Hating noisy restaurants, pubs, etc. (Huh? What did you say again?)
11. Choosing clothes and shoes for comfort rather than style.
12. Needing an afternoon nap. (We would prefer to call it a break!)
13. Thinking policemen/teachers/doctors, look really young.
14. Feeling tired the moment you wake up. (Anyone remember Geritol?
15. Struggling to use technology. (What? Another update again?!)
16. Working with colleagues who are so young they don’t know what a cassette tape is. (or slide projectors, camera film, dial phones, library cards, pocket calculators)
17. Complaining about the rubbish on television these days.
18. Knowing your alcohol limit. You fall asleep after one glass of wine.
19. Struggling to think of anything worse than going to a music festival.
20. Beginning to drive very slowly ... this drives people behind you crazy.
21. Struggling to lose weight ... (Oh to heck with it.)
22. Spending more money on face creams/anti-aging products. (Surely there’s an answer to this road map on the face?)
23. Feeling you have the right to tell people exactly what you are thinking, even if it is not polite
24. Paying by cash or cheque rather than using your card.
25. Preferring a night in with a board game than a night on the town.
26. Being told off for politically incorrect opinions, for giving advice of any kind, for talking too much
27. Noticing that your ears are growing out of proportion to your head. The Dumbo look.
Now wasn’t that fun? Oh, you feel worse? Don’t. Just be thankful you are alive, and for goodness sakes, keep buying pretty clothes, taking trips to the salon, and using make-up! We need to keep the economy going, and let the younger crowd see how enthused we are to still be here.
Judi Tabler lives in Pawnee County and is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune. She can be reached at email@example.com or juditabler@awomansview.