Well, everyone. Here we are in the middle of a tough time. We at our house are walking through a valley.
In Ecclesiastes 3:1 the Bible speaks about time. “To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven.”
“A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted. 3:4. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
Many of you have experienced losses. Every one of us will experience a loss, unless we are the ones who leave first.
Right?
A death and the subsequent recovery of those left behind is a process. With all of us, we must face mortality. We all need each other.
Don’t ever hesitate to go to a family suffering a loss. Don’t entertain thoughts that you “don’t want to bother them” or “you don’t know them well enough to take something to them or to comfort them.”
Don’t think, “I don’t know what to say.”
And don’t get bound with fear that you will cry or break down.
It’s not important. If you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. Just hug.
It doesn’t matter. Go!
We have once again realized the importance of friends and community. They come, sometimes grieving as well, sometimes bringing a good word of encouragement, sometimes coming just to talk. It is all so very helpful, and comforting.
We have been encouraged and uplifted as visitors shared little stories and events that we didn’t know about our son. Those little tidbits lift our hearts. If you know little details about the one you are remembering, then share those stories. They are wonderful to hear.
No one who loses a loved one needs to engage in that subject all the time. You may have questions to ask, and any one who has lost a loved one is open to talk about that loss. It’s therapy. But, also, when you come, it’s also a time to talk about other things too. Sports, funny anecdotes, families, your children, or whatever!
Broaching other subjects is refreshing and gives the mourners a rest from gloom and grief. Sometimes laughter is the balm.
Prayer is vital. If you cannot go, then pray. God gives grace, comfort and strength at this time. He allows us all to go through the process. But there is light and life at the end of that tunnel.
Food is a big item. It’s a focus amid the coming and going. Food, paper plates, coffee, utensils, napkins, and drinks are going to be needed. What do we all do at that time? Families and comforters gather and we eat.
Yes. We eat. Talk, cry, laugh, eat, talk, eat. That’s the pattern.
Don’t think, “Well, I might fall apart and that will upset them more.” Nothing could be further from the truth at this time.
Some cannot bear to come. We understand. That’s quite all right.
But, the rule of thumb is that there are no rules. Cry if you feel tears. Or, if you wish, sit silent and just be there. Bring something like food or coffee or paper products. Or don’t bring something. It doesn’t matter.
The important factor is that you bring YOU.
And if you cannot go during the appointed grieving time between the death and the funeral: then go afterwards. Send a card, or just pray for them. It’s all ok.
All of this that you do will take the sting. Only YOU can fill in that position of help and giving comfort.
Wonderful people live here in the Midwest.
That’s why we cannot live anywhere else.

Judi Tabler lives in Pawnee County and is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune. She can be reached at bluegrasses@gmail.com.