A focus of 4-H is to empower young people with the skills to lead for a lifetime. The research-based learning provides many avenues for 4-H youth to practice life skills such as caring for others and their community, leadership, and day-to-day areas such as preparing healthy meals, time management, and communication skills.
A few years ago, I read an article from HealthyWay.com written by Mary Sauer titled, “7 Things Kids Need To Do For Themselves Before They Turn 13.”
According to Ms. Sauer, “Turning 13 is a major milestone. For many kids, it feels like one big step toward adulthood. Of course, teenagers don’t just take on the responsibilities of growing older on their own because they’ve turned a page on a calendar. Parents play a big role in guiding their kids by equipping them with the skills they need to take care of themselves and contribute to society”.
This sounds a lot like 4-H to me! Another important aspect of 4-H is the ability to work with caring adults who guide and mentor them. While much of this can be project specific, knowing that a club leader, photography leader, or beef superintendent is working to provide opportunities for a youth to expand their horizons or improve their skills is invaluable.
As a Doniphan County 4-H member, I can’t imagine the hours that my sewing leader spent in the church basement with many young ones trying to work their mom’s portable sewing machine. I can tell you that, to this day, I know how to sew a French seam and put in a zipper because Mrs. D worked with me to do it over and over again until it was just right! She was also the first to celebrate with you when hard work paid off by good comments from the judge or earned an exhibit at the Kansas State Fair.
In the article by Ms. Sauer, she notes the seven things a youth should be able to do for themselves by age 13 include:
Money Matters – understand the basics of money and how to manage their own. She notes that this is best taught by modeling and practice. Do you talk openly with your youth about spending decisions, how you save, where you choose to give charitably? She stresses that a 13-year-old should understand and practice habits like giving and spending, and consequences when you run out.
Scheduling Solutions – I know, I know – I had a hard time with this as a parent also! Ms. Sauer recommends shifting the responsibility of getting up and to activities to their shoulders ... and letting then bear the consequences when they fail. “This might mean they have to face a frustrated teacher or discipline from a coach who expects them to be at practice by a certain time. And that’s okay. Sometime consequences that come from outside the family leave the most lasting impression.” Occasionally as a family, it is important to evaluate if the number of activities are helping or harming family time and overwhelming youth in the process.
Courteous Communication – This is a two-way street and can be difficult on both sides. We teach a lot about communication in 4-H (truly the crucial life skills at Club Day and the fair). “If your new teen wishes to be treated like an adult – and most do – they need to communicate with other adults with respect and clarity,” Ms. Sauer states. Our dinner table conversations were often loud, and to visitors probably argumentative, but my kids knew that there were very few topics that were off-limits but they had better be prepared to argue their case and listen to other viewpoints. They didn’t get it right every time and we occasionally had to call a time-out or move everyone on to a different topic but they were practicing communication skills and social interactions.
Body Basics – Learning self-care skills is important for good hygiene but also to develop a healthy body image and self-confidence.
Housekeeping Habits – Per Ms. Sauer’s article, “Your teen is a member of your household, and it is perfectly acceptable to expect them to do their part around the home. Before the age of 13, your child should know how to do their own laundry, pick up after themselves, and clean the kitchen.” In 4-H, we have curriculum about cooking basic meals and packing healthy lunches or snacks that they are capable of making. Young people don’t suddenly learn these skills when they turn 18 or 20; they need practice in order to grow into independent adults. It is often faster to pack their lunch (remember that Scheduling Solutions section) or clean their room but the lesson they have learned is either they are not good/smart enough or they should expect someone else to do it for them.
Academic Achievements – The article states “Most parents place a high priority on helping their teens reach their full potential, but by micromanaging your teen’s academics you do more harm than good. Parents should find a balance, encouraging their teen and supporting them without doing the work for them or rescuing them from academic failure.” Some students do need more assistance but most students should be able to meet deadlines, keep up their homework, and show up to class on time. These are important life skills for success in education at every level and in life. If you don’t show up for work on time and aren’t prepared for your tasks, you typically don’t stay employed very long!
Navigation Necessities – As middle-school students, my kids were learning to read a map (on very long cattle trips!) and airport boards. We practiced these things in small doses and both are accomplished travelers both in the US and abroad. As Ms. Sauer notes, “Whether they’re catching a ride with another parent or walking to and from school, being able to get themselves where they need to go will bring them one step closer to independence.” Activities in 4-H provide great opportunities for practicing these skills in small doses: camp, Discovery Days, Kansas Youth Leadership Forum, Citizenship In Action – all have increased levels of independence which comes with the responsibility of showing up in the right places at the right time!
Ms. Sauer concludes her article, “The truth is, consequences of the mistakes your teen might make now are far less risky than releasing them into adulthood without the skills they need to care for themselves, engage in adult relationships, or manage their time and money.
I wonder if Ms. Sauer was a 4-H member! 4-H provides so many great opportunities for youth to learn and practice skills that will help them be successful adults.
Keep learning. Keep showing grace and kindness.
Michelle Beran is the 4-H and Youth Development Agent for the Cottonwood District, Barton County office. For more information on this article or other 4-H Youth and Development related questions email Michelle at mberan@ksu.edu or call 620-793-1910.
