HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Oklahoma was hit by its sixth earthquake in four days Sunday, baffling seismologists at the Geological Survey.
It’s interrupting the cycle of nature in the Southwest.
In April when the tornados come to harvest the mobile homes, they will have already been picked.
Iowa GOP conservatives launched a surprise TV ad campaign urging caucus voters to back Sarah Palin.
They want a candidate who can win.
It’s not easy nowadays to find somebody who is socially moderate, fiscally conservative and doesn’t owe Tiffany’s money.
Congressman Barney Frank retired after 31 years in office in Washington D.C. Monday.
He was at the forefront of the effort to help poor people buy houses.
After what Barney Frank did with Freddie Mac he may never be allowed to coach college sports again.
Bill Clinton called Newt Gingrich an articulate conservative problem-solver Monday and praised his intellect.
They were both derailed by intern scandals.
It brings back memories of a happier time when America’s biggest problem was that the girls might talk.   
The N.Y. Times reported Monday the Obama campaign has decided to abandon white working class voters.
He’s decided to woo professors, working women, young people and rich liberals.
He believes he can win with everyone on Gilligan’s Island except the Skipper.   
Prince William piloted a Royal Air Force helicopter that rescued two cargo ship crew members who’d been thrown overboard during a storm Sunday. Everyone in Hollywood had the same thought.
It’s a shame he was not born in time to save Robert Wagner’s career.
Wall Street rallied Monday on news of the record-high retail sales on Black Friday.
A record one 150 million people hit the stores.
Shoppers bought enough labor-saving devices to make sure no jobs are created in America for the next 100 years.  
Cyber Monday drew one 129 million Americans to shop online Monday.
The technology is amazing.
On Monday police shut down two websites when customers started pepper-spraying each other on Skype in an attempt to get to the X-boxes.  
USA Today reported a survey Monday showing that the Hispanic birth rate in the U.S. fell 11 percent in four years.
Less than a million Hispanics were born in the U.S. last year.
They’re becoming so Americanized they’re voting for who’s toughest on immigration.  
The CIA warned Monday that violent extremist groups in Iraq were hiding in Shiite neighborhoods.
After the U.S. invasion, Sunnis and Shiites stopped living side-by-side and were forced to move to separate neighborhoods.
They never should have agreed to let George Wallace be the provisional governor.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)