BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama addressed an Internet convention in Michigan on Thursday where he urged the computer and software industry to use their huge profits to hire more workers.
His plea fell on deaf ears.
Only the U.S. government hires more people than it needs.
GOP Congressman Chris Lee resigned after he got caught sending shirtless photos of himself to a woman online. He’d been warned by leadership to stop partying and sleeping with female lobbyists. The good news is, he’s just been cast as the lead in “Mr. Sheen Goes to Washington.”
The Discovery Channel said the United States led the world in the number of shark attacks last year for the first time. It makes sense.
When you consider the number of Democrats up for re-election next year, there’s never been more blood in the water.    
Egypt’s President Hosni Mubarak set off more Cairo street riots Thursday after the 82-year-old leader refused to retire and go quietly. The protesters say they’re inspired by America’s example. They want to replace him with Aaron Rodgers.
Congress began considering new statues for Statuary Hall in the Capitol Rotunda last week. How about statues of Hosni Mubarak, the Shah of Iran and Saddam Hussein? The least we could do is let their survivors know that it was great fun, but it was just one of those things.
Lindsay Lohan was charged Wednesday with stealing a $2,500 dollar necklace from a jewelry store.
She was allowed to keep her passport for any work outside the country. Hosni Mubarak just hired her to beat up the protesters in Tahrir Square.
The Weather Channel reported record cold in the Southwest and record warmth in California Thursday. It’s just been crazy. It was below zero in Texas, while Los Angeles was so hot Lindsay Lohan walked out of Home Depot with an air conditioner under her jacket.   
The Montana State Senate passed a bill Wednesday called the Code of the West.
The bill would make cowboy ethics the law of the state.
Under the Cowboy Code, if anyone harms you, threatens you or destroys your property, you have the right to invade Iraq.
Russian astronomers confirmed NASA’s warnings Thursday and spotted an asteroid headed for Earth in 25 years that could destroy our economy. Predicting an asteroid’s arrival can be tricky.
Due to light refraction, the Hubble telescope is just now seeing the rise of China.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)