HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Hillary Clinton returned Friday after a long week in Egypt and Tunisia, shoring up North Africa’s new democracies.
Next she briefs President Obama.
She hopes she can be penciled into his schedule sometime between the Final Four and Masters Week at Augusta.
Obama addressed the nation on Japan’s nuclear disaster from the Rose Garden Thursday. He assured Japan we stand by them. He ordered a comprehensive review of America’s nuclear plants, which now include every crop in California’s Central Valley.
Japan’s Fukushima nuclear plant emitted a plume of nuclear radiation Wednesday that wafted across the ocean to California.
No one thought Japan would ever endanger the U.S. with nuclear radiation.
It’s another example of what goes around, comes around.
Tokyo’s airport was packed with diplomats trying to to leave Japan following a spike in radiation Thursday.
The panic was understandable.
Whether the diplomats were Asian, Middle Eastern or African, the longer they’re in Tokyo the more they look like Gary Busey.
Japan’s nuclear plant disaster from last week’s earthquake shut down Toyota of Japan’s Prius factory.
The plant halted production which halted exports which eventually will halt Prius sales in the U.S. It should be safe to walk across the street again by mid-May.
Japan drew worldwide praise Thursday as reporters noticed the country had no civil unrest after the power outages shut down stores.
Why should they loot?
If the Japanese want the latest computers, flat-screens, CD players, home music systems and iPods, they can pick them off trees.   
New York City celebrated St. Patrick’s Day Thursday with a huge parade along Fifth Avenue.
It’s a great day for Irish-Americans. In New York they set off green fireworks, in Chicago they drank green beer and in Los Angeles, Charlie Sheen snorted green cocaine.
Obama flew to Rio Friday for his Latin American tour of Brazil, Chile and El Salvador. It’s re-election time. It’s not enough that Barack Obama wins the Mexicans in order to carry California and the Puerto Ricans to carry New York, he needs a majority.
The U.S. passed France as the world’s top wine-drinking country on Friday.
It’s a two-sided coin. It’s always applauded that Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding in Cana but you never hear about the recovering alcoholic who lost his sobriety during the toast.
The London Telegraph reports China’s leading coal baron just purchased at auction a prized Tibetan mastiff for one and a half million dollars. It’s a lot of money for a dog, even in China.
However it comes with an appetizer, a salad and choice of dessert.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)