HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The White House reported worsening statistics on employment, manufacturing and home sales Friday.
No one knows how much deeper the recession will get.
The latest poll shows that most Americans would still vote to reelect President Obama, if only out of morbid curiosity.
The Labor Department announced Friday that only 54,000 jobs were created in May.
Half of those jobs were McDonald’s jobs which resulted when the restaurant officials decided to add a graveyard shift nationwide.
Americans aren’t happy about having to work in the middle of the night in a paper hat, but they have to pay off their law school loans somehow.
U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner conceded Friday the lewd photos tweeted to his followers may be of himself but he insisted he got hacked.
His last name doesn’t help here.
When charges first surfaced that Weiner had been hacked, Lorena Bobbitt was the first suspect on everybody’s list.
John Edwards was indicted by federal prosecutors Friday for using presidential campaign donations to hide his mistress and their love child.
The story got huge play in the tabloid press.
John Edwards always said we live in two Americas, and he keeps a family in each of them.       
Sarah Palin refused to give the media her bus tour travel itinerary Friday, forcing CBS and NBC and ABC reporters to follow her around like groupies. She totally dominated the news coverage.
In response, Mitt Romney’s web site just replaced all his head shots with crotch shots.   
Dr. Jack Kevorkian died Thursday after a career dedicated to assisted suicide. His own life was extended by real caregivers.
Last year when Jack Kevorkian collapsed in his living room, paramedics saved his life by offering to buy his house for 30 percent more than he paid for it.
The House of Representatives rebuked Obama in a resolution passed Friday for not consulting Congress on Libya.
It’s obvious what’s going on.
The United States is going to keep invading countries in the Middle East til we finally find one where the oil pays for the war.
Michelle Obama’s office announced Friday she will visit South Africa this week and bring along her mother as well as her two daughters. She can’t wait to go.
Last week she caught the president in bed with his golf clubs and she’s decided to give them some quality time alone.
Illinois former governor Rod Blagojevich testified Monday he almost named himself to fill Obama’s Senate seat so he could find Osama bin Laden personally.
Sounds true.
He probably wanted to sell him the floor space next to Hitler’s at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in Chicago.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)