BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama conceded to the N.Y. Times he realizes there’s no such thing as a shovel-ready project.
He was admitting the failure of his federal stimulus program to add jobs to the economy.
Today he understands it takes two terms to hire a construction worker.   
Michelle Obama campaigned for embattled Democrats in Wisconsin Thursday.
She didn’t dare mention her Healthy Food Initiative there.
This year the blue ribbon for the tastiest snack at the Wisconsin State Fair was awarded to Fried Cholesterol Medicine.   
Michelle cast her absentee vote in a Chicago polling place Thursday. She then broke Illinois election law by posing with voters at the polls and urging them to pass her husband’s agenda.
You’re not allowed to do this in Chicago without money changing hands.
Chris Matthews said Wednesday if the Chilean miners had been Tea Party members they would have killed each other.
Conjecture works both ways.
If the 33 miners had been liberal Democrats they would have emerged from that hole as 16 married couples and one priest.   
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer blasted the Central American countries Tuesday for joining Mexico in suing Arizona over its new immigration law.
The governor got even worse news from Chile. We now have illegal aliens coming from the center of the earth.
Chileans sang their national anthem Wednesday as the last miner was rescued in Chile. It was early morning when the first miner made it to the earth’s surface. When he saw his shadow it meant six more weeks of winter in the Southern Hemisphere.
Chilean President Sebastian Pinera expressed gratitude Wednesday after the miners were all rescued. He thanked U.S. drilling firms, the British prime minister and the Israeli prime minister. He forgot to thank Obama for not banning deep drilling after the accident.
The National Texting Contest was won by a thirteen-year-old girl from Brooklyn Tuesday. She typed the lyrics to Old McDonald in 60 seconds. For winning the texting contest she was awarded $50,000 and a California driver’s license.   
Ole Miss agreed on the Rebel Black Bear as the school’s new mascot Thursday. The struggle between political correctness and Old South emblems was the issue.
Neither side would agree to a logo showing Colonel Reb with his fist raised in a Black Power salute.  
Queen Elizabeth canceled her annual Christmas Ball on Thursday.
It saves only $80,000 but she won’t be extravagant in hard times.
Leave it to the Queen of England to show Democrats how to stay in office for more than four years at a time.
Realty Track reported Thursday that Nevada had the highest foreclosure rate of any state for the fourth year in a row.
The evictions were a shock to people in Nevada.
They thought state law required that if you lose enough money you get your room comped.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)