HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama invited all the lawmakers of both parties to separate White House meetings this week to parley. The government shutdown is progressing. Last night the Democrats and Republicans moved into separate apartments and fired their therapist.
The Nobel Prize in Physics went to two scientists whose God Particle discovery was proven by an atom smasher. We now know the universe is expanding and will explode in a billion years. It means that everybody in Washington is simply doing the Lord’s work.
An IRS official told Congress she shared a conservative group’s tax information with the White House Wednesday. Hold the phone. If the Republicans really want to get rid of ObamaCare they should endorse it as a conservative nonprofit and let the IRS take it down.
President Obama apologized to Americans for the shutdown Tuesday, then blamed it on Republicans. He managed to be very contrite and self-serving at the same time. No one has seen this move since Thomas Jefferson announced he would free his slaves in his will.
Kathie Lee Gifford on the Today Show laughed off Frank Gifford’s affair with Johnny Carson’s second wife. The NFL hall of famer cheated on Kathie Lee with a flight attendant 15 years ago. His jersey hangs in the Oval Office at the Bill Clinton Presidential Library.
The Ronald Reagan Library stayed open during the U.S. government shutdown in Simi Valley this week. He knew what the people liked. There are two dozen U.S. presidential libraries across America, but Reagan’s is the only one with a popcorn machine in the lobby.
The Hollywood Reporter revealed that Keeping Up with the Kardashians stars Bruce and Kristi Jenner are separating after 22 years of marriage. It saddens viewers. The whole country was looking forward to watching them grow younger together.
The Columbus Day parade in New York Saturday gives Indian tribes the opportunity to protest the arrival of Christopher Columbus. He seems impressive today. Columbus went around the world in 1492 and that isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Who Discovered America is a new book with a six-hundred-year-old map that shows America was discovered by Chinese explorers long before Columbus. Native tribes are aggravated. Indians can’t believe they lost a chance to sell the country to the Chinese first.
Brown University is celebrating Nudity Week with nude yoga, nude dances and nude cabaret. It’s crazy. Republicans say they’re offended by Nudity Week and Democrats say they’re offended by Brown University, wondering why everything has to be about race.
The Los Angeles Times reports that newspaper circulation hit new lows in Southern California this year. It must be the culture. Los Angeles had its first cool day of the fall Monday and homeless people were sleeping on the park benches with i-Pads on their faces.
The Pentagon announced that al-Qaeda chiefs in Somalia and in Libya were captured by U.S. special forces last weekend. The terrorists were done in by their lust for action. These guys have got to stop putting their contact information on the Play Station Network.
Gettysburg Battlefield was breached by tourists who defied the U.S. government shutdown orders closing it. It’s amazing. It was the second time in history the park was overrun by people who refused to recognize U.S. government sovereignty, only this time the rebels won.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.