HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Kansas regulators on Tuesday approved a 3,500 mega-watt transmission line to carry wind farm electricity from Kansas to Indiana. The governor said it’ll create a lot of jobs.
Ambulance drivers should make a lot of money driving electrocution victims to burn wards during tornado season.
Forbes magazine said the six members of the Walton family who own Wal-Mart have a net worth equal to the poorest 30 percent of the U.S.
That’s how far down the economy has gone.
We live in a world where people in Arkansas are the object of class envy.  
Michelle Obama told “People” magazine Friday she doesn’t allow her daughters Sasha and Malia to go on Facebook.
She said there’s no reason for people they don’t know to know their family business.
So many people in Chicago feel that way that the Justice Department has an entire division for them.   
U.S. troops formally ended the War in Iraq Thursday by lowering the U.S. flag at the U.S. Army base in Baghdad.
They’ll be back to work soon.
If the environmentalists prevent the Keystone pipeline, we’re thinking the weapons of mass destruction might be in Canada.
Conde Nast advised Christmas travelers to pack two days of necessities in carry-on baggage onboard.
It can save your trip.
Last week when Charlie Sheen flew to New York the TSA wouldn’t allow him to bring more cocaine than would fit in one small zipper bag.
Victoria’s Secret was accused Friday of buying its cotton from a poor African country that abuses child workers.
They beat kids with branches as they pick the cotton.
Liberals could boycott and buy synthetic rayon, but they’d rather support slavery than oil companies.
President Obama blamed the recession Thursday on 30 years of policies that have brought us to this point.
That makes everything the fault of two Bushes, a Reagan and a Clinton.
The Obama Presidential Library will feature four wings of blame and a gift shop.
Lowe’s Home Improvement stores canceled their sponsorship of “All-American Muslim” on TLC prompting Muslim groups to protest outside a New Jersey store.
It didn’t go very well at all.
They were repeatedly interrupted by Mafia wives offering them yard work.
USA Today reported that half a million Baby Boomers have returned to college in the last two years to learn high-tech skills and computers.
It’s an exchange program.
In return the Baby Boomers are teaching the college kids how to roll one-paper joints in a hurricane.
Norway cut butter tariffs after butter hit $500 a pound Friday.
They blame the shortage of butter on low dairy output due to a rainy summer in Norway, as well as the popularity of high-fat diets, for using up all the butter.
Butter is so profitable in Wisconsin this year that Holstein jerseys are more popular than Aaron Rodgers jerseys.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)