HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West leaked news to TMZ on Friday that they decided to name their baby daughter North with no middle name. They waited seven days before finally deciding on North. Leave it to a Kardashian to name her baby daughter after a pole.
California former porn star Jenna Jameson was reported Friday expressing interest in running for Congress in Southern California. She faces family considerations. What kind of role model would she be if her kids ever found out she was a Member of Congress?
New England Patriots player Aaron Hernandez was probed for a Boston murder and he’s being sued for shooting a pal in the face. It’s a miracle. Team owner Robert Kraft finally has a player with the skills necessary to get his Super Bowl ring back from Vladimir Putin.
Russia’s Vladimir Putin denounced President Obama for supplying the Syrian rebels at the G-8 summit and accused Syrian rebels of practicing cannibalism. It must be true. Barack Obama is sending the rebels rocket launchers, rifles, chef’s knives and fine cutlery.
Wall Street fell Thursday, costing investors billions in lost stock values in the same day polls showed that Hillary Clinton is the huge favorite to be the next president. It wasn’t all bad news for the Republicans. It turns out that depression is covered under Obamacare.
President Obama’s job approval fell among Democrats in June. His drone program and NSA spying has hurt him with liberals. Democrats don’t like the new Obama who tracks down Muslim extremists, they prefer the old Obama who was a Muslim extremist.
Joe Torre’s daughter spotted a one-year-old baby falling out of a third-story window in Brooklyn Friday and caught the baby. Glad she’s the daughter of a baseball player, not a football star. She might have spiked the baby after she caught it and chicken-danced.
The New York Post gave details of the heart attack death of Sopranos star James Gandolfini Wednesday. He’d just eaten two jumbo fried shrimp while drinking four Pina Coladas, four shots of rum and two beers. There is no way he left us for a better world than that one.
The American Medical Association changed a diagnosis Friday and classified obesity as a disease that requires medical attention. They were able to label obesity a disease because all cases of obesity have one symptom. It makes everything taste good except salad.
Paula Deen apologized on video Friday after the media ripped her for admitting her past racist language. She couldn’t keep the secret forever. It was always obvious on her cooking show where the spice rack was divided into two sections, whites and colored.
House Republicans said the Senate immigration bill is one thousand pages long and weighs 30 pounds. It’s embarrassing. Every morning the Senate Clerk has to stop by Home Depot and pick up a day worker and hire him to carry the bill onto the Senate floor.
GOP Senators warned Friday of election fraud if the immigration bill passes. We live in a country where no ID is required to vote and no ID is required to purchase morning-after birth control pills. What happens in the voting booth stays in the voting booth.
President Obama and Vladimir Putin sat across from one another stone-faced and silent at the G-8 press briefing. They glared at one another and didn’t say a word. It let families know how brutal Thanksgiving Dinner would be if family members could listen in on other family member’s phone calls all year and find out what we really think of each other.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.