HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama said Monday he’d resign if he had a scandal like Anthony Weiner’s sex scandal.
He shouldn’t tempt the fates like that.
If the unemployment rate goes any higher, some guy is going to snap a picture of him in the shower and post it on Facebook to save the country.
Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords posted photos of herself on Facebook Sunday that showed her smiling, beautiful and recovering from her head wounds.
She shouldn’t have posted such flattering pictures.
Anthony Weiner friended her immediately and now she can’t get rid of him.
The Weather Channel reported a brutal heat wave sending temperatures into triple digits on the Eastern Seaboard this weekend.
New Yorkers suffered more than anybody.
Photos surfaced on the Internet of Anthony Weiner exposing himself to a window air conditioning unit.
Bill Clinton dined with Rolling Stones legend Keith Richards Sunday at a charity dinner in New York. It was the first time they met.
When asked what it was like to meet the legendary king of sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll, Keith Richards said it’s an experience he will never forget.
Newt Gingrich was swamped by photographers and reporters at his speech to the Republican Jewish Coalition of Los Angeles Sunday.
Six hundred people were there.
The crowd consisted of 598 photographers and reporters, one Jewish Republican, and Newt.  
Tea Party activists started a three-week tour of Iowa Tuesday promoting the group’s new cause of returning U.S. currency to the gold standard.
People are losing faith in paper money.
It is not a sign of a healthy economy when people start making their house payments with teeth.
Warren Buffett participated in a charity auction Monday and he sold a one-on-one lunch with himself for $2 million.
People think he’ll give them the best investment tip in the history of the world.
He’ll look across the table and tell them to sell their houses five years ago.
John Edwards was indicted in Raleigh last week for using presidential campaign money to hide his mistress.
He said it was his parents’ and grandparents’ dream that he run for office.
None of them thought that he was smart enough to go into the family business, working in a mill.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)