HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
GOP candidate Rick Perry said Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke is committing treason if he prints more money.
Perry warned him that he’ll be treated ugly if he comes to Texas.
The next day Laura Bush called and said if he doesn’t tone it down she is going to leave him.
Perry got into a war of words with the White House Monday over the tone of his criticism of President Obama’s policies.
The governor and the president need to take a deep breath and remember what they have in common.
They both used to be Democrats.
Michelle Bachman paused during her speech in Iowa Monday to inform her audience that it was Elvis Presley’s birthday when it was the anniversary of Elvis’s death.
It must be frustrating for the candidate.
She can’t keep Elvis’s birthday or the gay community straight.
President Obama toured the midwest Tuesday in the new presidential bus made in Canada but customized by Hemphill Coach of Nashville.
They customize buses for country music stars.
The president has no use for the wig rack or the pot compartment but they come standard.
Obama gave a speech in Iowa Tuesday where he said economic progress is being hampered by partisan warfare in Congress.
He blamed the lack of progress on Republican rigidity.
It’s lasted more than four hours and it’s time to seek medical attention.  
Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said Monday that food stamps create jobs.
He did not mean their manufacture.
Food stamps used to create a lot of jobs when they were printed on paper but now that it’s done electronically they only create jobs for coal miners.   
MGM Grand asked permission to implode its unfinished high-rise tower in Las Vegas Monday.
It was going to be full of million-dollar condos.
Construction problems became apparent when building inspectors found that no one was going to buy one of these condos.   
Broadcasters Weekly reported Monday that many Americans have begun getting rid of their cable networks and cable news to cut expenses.
That’s an act of self-robbery if you enjoy the best in entertainment.
This week’s episode of Bachmann was just hilarious.
New Zealand supermodels wore bikinis and rode scooters as they drove sheep herds through Auckland to urge New Zealanders to abstain from sex.
They want everyone to save their passion for cheering for the national rugby team this week.
Michelle Bachmann’s husband read this and offered New Zealanders counseling on how to pray away the sheep.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)