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Stimulus bill wasn't all that stimulating
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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama’s job stimulus bill was jettisoned by House Democrats Wednesday because it taxes charitable donations. Everybody can read the tea leaves.
Caroline Kennedy just released a recording of her mother saying Barack Obama can’t be re-elected.
Congress probed a stimulus loan to Solyndra solar power Wednesday.
They took $500 million in taxpayer loans and the money just vanished. Solar power generates electricity by mixing the energy of the sun along with the persuasiveness of Bernie Madoff.   
The White House set up an Internet site called Attack Watch asking people to report all criticisms of President Obama. They want to know every nasty remark.
The next day the servers crashed from all the traffic, and that was just from the Democrats in New York.
Democrats lost Anthony Weiner’s vacated U.S. Congress seat in Brooklyn Tuesday in a heavily Democratic district. They brought in Bill Clinton to do robocalls but it didn’t help.
It just reminded voters that Anthony Weiner had exposed himself to women he’d just met.
President Obama’s presidential re-election campaign sent out an e-mail Wednesday in the teeth of his low approval numbers. It asks supporters to donate five dollars to enter a raffle that offers dinner with him as first prize.
Second prize is dinner and a speech.
The TSA announced new rules for passing kids through airport security checkpoints Tuesday. The changes were necessary. It was taking so long to get children through security that parents were buying plane tickets just for a few hours of baby-sitting service.
Scarlett Johansson was victimized Tuesday by hackers who stole nude pictures the movie star took of herself with her cellphone. The photos are all over the Internet. In New York that could cost you a U.S.
congressional seat but in Los Angeles it can get you elected to one.
Australian wildlife officials reported the death of a wandering penguin they rescued and named Happy Feet. They put a tracking device on him to help follow his progress.
They knew he was dead when they realized for five days they’d been tracking a polar bear.
Michael Jackson’s executor said Tuesday the singer has made $300 million since his overdose death. Elvis has made twice that since he died. It proves that while drugs may kill you, they give you the energy to work another 50 years after you die.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at