HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Rolling Stone profiled the 25-year-old woman named Star who announced she’s marrying Charles Manson in California prison. How nice. Her family begged her not to marry him, reminding her that he’s old enough to have murdered her grandparents.
GQ magazine readers named Dennis Rodman America’s least influential celebrity for befriending Kim Jung Un. They pal’d around in North Korea. To this day no one has the nerve to tell Kim that Rodman wasn’t President Obama or tell Rodman that Kim wasn’t Psy.
The Weather Channel reported snow and ice storms crossed the nation Monday and threw holiday travel plans in chaos. There were record lows and high winds. It’s so cold in the Midwest that people are wishing Iran had nuclear weapons that they could use on us.
Toronto’s city council stripped Mayor Rob Ford of municipal powers including staff and the ability to make appointments. They’ll only allow him to represent the city at public functions. If there’s one thing we’ve learned that’ll make him behave, it’s a spotlight.
President Obama skipped the Gettysburg Address anniversary ceremony last week in Pennsylvania. He memorized the speech as a kid. To this day President Obama can proudly state that four score and seven people have successfully signed up for Obamacare.
HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius was being shown improvements in the Obamacare website at a public demonstration Friday when it crashed. The onlookers applauded. It’s taken seven weeks, but the ObamaCare website is starting to lure fans away from NASCAR.
President Obama attended a party fundraiser at Dreamworks Studio in L.A. hosted by Steven Spielberg Tuesday. Traffic was sealed off for miles on streets leading up to the studio. The LAPD does this for Steven Spielberg whenever he drives into town from Malibu.
Luminix CEO and founder Geetha Velabheneni introduced President Obama Monday to a Silicon Valley high-tech audience. She’s from India.
President Obama’s approval rating is so low that introducing him onstage is one of the jobs that Americans refuse to do. President Obama spoke to a high-tech group on behalf of an Immigration Reform bill Monday in Silicon Valley. They heckled him for being too tough on immigration. Even their favorite bookstore, Borders, declared bankruptcy and closed under President Obama.
Teheran gave a hero’s welcome to Iran’s nuclear negotiator when he returned home from Geneva Monday. He got the sanctions lifted and Iran will keep enriching uranium. Later on that day in Wyoming the bravest man in the world went hunting with Dick Cheney.
Israel vowed to take all measures necessary to prevent Iran from completing a nuclear bomb Sunday after the U.S.-Iran deal was announced. It’s bad. They didn’t mobilize until President Obama assured Israel if they liked their current defense plan, they get to keep it.
Dick Cheney’s daughter Liz Cheney re-affirmed her opposition to same-sex marriage Sunday. She’s at war with her same-sex-married sister Mary Cheney. It’s distracting for their dad Dick Cheney because he’s rumored to be a candidate for Wyoming’s Water Board.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.