As evidenced by his hair, Donald J. Trump is pretty much wrong all the time. Every time. About everything. Except when he isn’t. One example is, should he become president, Mexico indeed will build a wall - to control our immigration. “Get me the hell out of here. Por favor?” Hell, Canada might have to build one as well. “Hey, let me in dere, ya hoser. S’il vous plait, eh?”
Trump is also right about America becoming more religious under his reign, because upon his election, people are going to start praying, “like you wouldn’t believe.” All over the world. The seismic shock caused by millions dropping to their knees on January 21st might crack open a chasm in the planet deep enough to swallow a few of the Seven Seas.
After being aced out by Ted Cruz for all the Colorado and Wyoming delegates, Trump flailed like a boat- bound goose trying to fly south with its feet nailed to the deck, screaming all the while about the system being rigged.
You know what? He’s right about that one, too.
It’s finally sinking in - this isn’t about democracy. This is much more important: this is party politics. In an effort to keep their voices preeminent, the bigwigs have rigged and rerigged the system like a 30-year-old trailer park sound system.
On the other side of the aisle, Bernie Sanders is hearing similar ugly distortions. He’s finding the Dems have rules more shady, murky and malleable than a catfish trap in the Mississippi Delta made out of cellophane. Perhaps this helps to explain why the Vermont senator eschewed becoming a Democrat until recently.
The Donald also occasionally stumbles into the lobby of the Correctomundo Hotel by embracing such a variety of stances that it wouldn’t be surprising to find Trump University offers a course that teaches the Art of the Blind Squirrel/ Nut Finding Deal.
First he supported an assault weapons ban and background checks, then turned against them. He told Larry King he was a fan of universal health care, and now, not so much. The man has adopted more positions than a ballet dancer on a cruise ship, sometimes during the same interview.
He calls his 180-degree head snapping turns “evolving.” Ever since Ronald Reagan characterized his conversion from Hollywood liberal as an “evolution,” that’s the go-to, buzz-word for politicos. People don’t change their minds anymore. They evolve. Over time. Even people who don’t believe in evolution, evolve.
Since 1999 Trump has gone from Republican to Independent to Democrat to Independent to Republican again. He’s the centrifugal candidate. Started out pro-choice, became anti-choice and now seems to be multiple-choice. And why do his supporters love him? Because he tells it like it is.
No matter what side of an issue you’re on, Trump has been there, done that. Less of a Man for all Seasons than a Man for all Reasons. A businessman too comfortable with the lesions of treasons. Whoa. Too much?
And now Paul Manafort, the shiny new senior advisor, told GOP insiders Trump is simply playing a role and will tone it down for the general election. Trump must be praying that we the voters will totally forget to play our roles of people who can’t stand him.
Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former Pizza Hut assistant manager