HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Congress subpoenaed the White House to hand over all records of the Solyndra solar panel company loan.
They lost a half billion in taxpayer money after they contributed to the Obama campaign.
It’s taught as the law of supply and demand in Chicago public schools.
Herman Cain was hit by a third accusation of past sexual harassment Thursday.
The accusations occurred when was the head lobbyist for the restaurant industry.
The best bet is that Herman Cain leaked the sexual harassment story himself to keep anyone from noticing he lobbied Congress for a lower minimum wage and an open border with Mexico.
Cain cited his experience as president of Godfather Pizza to show his ability to run the country Wednesday.
His comments don’t inspire a lot of confidence.
He just promised that if the economy doesn’t improve in 30 minutes, the next recession is free.
The White House saw a poll Tuesday saying 70 percent of Americans believe the country is headed in the wrong direction.
It’s grim.
Half of the young people in America have had to move back in with their parents and the other half are moving home to Mexico.   
Lindsay Lohan was jailed again Thursday on her four-year-old DUI arrest in Beverly Hills.
The cops didn’t see her toss the cocaine out of the car onto a house lawn and they left it there.
It is the only property in California that’s increased in value over the last four years.
New York Police said Zuccotti Park where Occupy Wall Street protesters are camped has become a law-free zone.
The protesters do drugs, rob and sexually assault each other and everyone agrees not to tell the cops to keep them out.
They put a 24-hour guard on the Statue of Liberty because this is how the planet of the Apes always ends up.
The Statue of Liberty was the site of a swearing-in ceremony for new U.S. citizens Friday on the statue’s 125th birthday.
She’s quite a sight.
The statue is one of two gifts from France to the people of the United States, but we returned Vietnam for a refund.
The FDA announced plans to spend $600 million to educate people on the dangers of smoking.
The agency said the first ads will target young men, blacks and the military.
It sounds like all of that money’s going to pay for our Commander in Chief’s Nicorette habit.
Obama flew to the South of France Thursday and met with the leaders of the 20 industrial nations.
He had to be a little disappointed in the Riviera.
It was cold, dark and windy, but they were able to stay warm by setting fire to their Greek bonds.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)