HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Congress got an all-time low approval rating of 11 percent Tuesday in the Gallup Poll as the House adjourned for Christmas. There’s only one upside.
In three years Anthony Weiner will get to tell his child he’s an Internet flasher and not a U.S. Congressman.
Tim Tebow’s winning streak inspired a national craze called “Tebowing” Monday.
You drop to one knee briefly and bow your head.
Tim Tebow strikes the pose right after he scores a touchdown, while everybody else does it right after they buy a Powerball ticket. 
“The Iron Lady” starring Meryl Streep as Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher is opening next week.
The previews have generated a huge Oscar buzz.
The Hollywood actress is playing an anti-communist, union-busting, free-market conservative.
Brother, that’s acting.
Lindsay Lohan imitated Marilyn Monroe’s famous nude poses in her Playboy spread this month.
It could backfire on her.
Nothing tells your parole officer you’re getting your act together like posing nude in imitation of a movie star who died of a drug overdose.   
NASA astronomers discovered a new planet far outside our solar system which looks like Earth.
It orbits around a sun, it has water and it has moderate temperatures.
So if we elect Newt Gingrich there’s a 50/50 chance he leaves us for a younger, prettier planet.
Newt Gingrich fell to third in Iowa polls Tuesday after enjoying two weeks on top of the heap.
Every four weeks the GOP has a new leader in the polls before he gets blown up, shot down or exposed.
If it were a video game you’d have to be eighteen years old to buy it.
President Obama went shopping at a Washington D.C. mall Wednesday and he stopped off in the food court to enjoy pizza.
Whenever his wife is out of town he eats hamburgers and fries and pizza.
He has to store up enough body fat to get him through arugula season.
North Korea staged a huge procession to pass by Kim Jong Il’s body in a mausoleum on Wednesday where the communist dictator was displayed in a glass-encased bier.
The funeral is set for Friday.
North Korea has asked that in lieu of flowers to please send wheat and toilet paper.
Mayans in Mexico began counting down to the end of the world next year as predicted on their calendar.
They don’t fear the end of the world, they embrace it.
Mayans put all their money in bank stocks just to experience the rapture every day when the market closes.
The National Association of Realtors admitted fewer homes were sold last year than claimed.
Home sales were double-counted, making the statistics look pumped up.
They are offering to return the record to the Maris family and the commissioner’s considering it.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)