HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama will speak before Congress tonight just like it’s a State of the Union address.
A cabinet member is kept out of the building in case of a catastrophe.
That’s so he can be cloned to rebuild the Obama Administration and take us the rest of the way down.
Jimmy Hoffa introduced Obama in Detroit Monday by urging the president to take out the Republicans.
No one wants to go to war against the Republicans.
If we get into one more tribal war we’ll have more people on veterans benefits than food stamps.
Robert Redford ripped Obama as an environmentalist Sunday for allowing drilling in Alaska, a pipeline in the West and lowering smog standards.
The liberals are all very angry.
It didn’t help the president when Dick Cheney dedicated his memoir to him.   
The White House had no comment Friday when Obama was turned down by five NASCAR drivers whom the president had invited to the White House to promote NASCAR auto races.
What was he thinking? They can’t go to a Beer Summit, they’re driving.
Moammar Kadaffi’s followers escaped into Niger Tuesday but there was no sign of the dictator.
He’s rumored to have had plastic surgery to change his appearance.
He thinks if he can make himself look like George W. Bush that Condoleezza Rice will go out with him.
Parliament convened in London Monday and debated the proposed private takeover of Britain’s public health care hospitals by a German conglomerate.
That brings back bad memories. Queen Elizabeth just volunteered to drive a truck for the duration of the war.
Congress held hearings Monday on the insolvency of the U.S. Postal Service that now faces a nine billion dollar shortfall.
They’ve tried everything they can think of to bring the business back they’ve lost to e-mail.
They’ve tried 40 cent stamps, they’ve tired 42 cent stamps and they’ve tried 44 cent stamps, and still no one will mail a letter.   
The Chicago Tribune reported Monday that an Illinois man discovered $150,000 cash buried in his garden.
Everyone knows why that money was buried in the garden.
How else are you supposed to buy the cemetery vote in Chicago?
The U.N. General Assembly opens its 65th session in Manhattan Wednesday.
The U.N. is loved by liberals in America but conservative support is conditional.
Republicans think that the United Nations is a great idea as long as they don’t let in too many foreigners.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)