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Movie review: Unlikable characters spoil comic drama 'The Party'
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Kristin Scott Thomas and Timothy Spall in The Party." - photo by Josh Terry
THE PARTY 1 stars Timothy Spall, Kristin Scott Thomas, Patricia Clarkson, Cherry Jones, Emily Mortimer, Cillian Murphy; R (language and drug use); Broadway

The Party is the kind of event you wouldnt want to attend, or in this case, watch. Its a shame to see so many first-rate actors stuck in an assortment of unlikable roles.

Sally Potters The Party is an ensemble piece about a dysfunctional group of friends and associates who gather to celebrate Janet (Kristin Scott Thomas), whose new position in British parliamentary government is a sign of big things to come.

Everyone seems thrilled for her except for Janets brooding husband Bill (Timothy Spall), who spends most of the film staring into the middle-distance in a catatonic state in between trips to the living room stereo to switch records.

Im Bill, he says vacantly, I think I used to be.

At first, we assume Bills dreading his future as second fiddle to his successful wife, or that hes wise to Janets infidelities with the mysterious character who keeps calling and texting her as she scrambles to get ready for the party. But then he reveals a cancer diagnosis, which marks one of many high-drama reveals to come.

The announcement is a shock to all the other party guests, who have their own myriad problems. Janets best friend April (Patricia Clarkson) is about to separate from her new-age weirdo husband Gottfried (Bruno Ganz) and spends the film issuing a barrage of snarky one-liners at him and anyone else who says anything she doesnt agree with. For his part, Gottfried is a vacant cartoon, full of so much high-minded drivel that its impossible to see how he and April would have gotten together in the first place.

Martha (Cherry Jones) is a snobbish professor whose obscure academic qualifications inspire one character to describe her as a first-rate lesbian and a second-rate thinker. Her partner Jinny (Emily Mortimer) is pregnant with triplets, but their relationship is about to collapse under the weight of the coming revelations of Marthas past.

The tension increases when the hotshot banker Tom (Cillian Murphy) arrives with a concealed weapon and a generous stash of cocaine. Like Gottfried, hes more a guest of association, married to Janets friend Marianne, who Tom claims is running late. As he fumbles with his weapon in the bathroom immediately after sniffing a line, presumably we are to wonder who hes come to kill.

The excellent cast and chaotic premise suggest a fun and wacky comedy, but the characters are so insufferable two or three quips from April would be effective, but two or three dozen just make you resent her that the whole production begins to feel like a dinner party version of Monty Pythons Upper-Class Twit of the Year sketch, minus the wit.

As Potters story stumbles forward, characters reveal secrets and connections and infidelities, one twist leads to another and the whole thing builds to a surprise finale that falls flat because youd just as soon the whole party gets wiped out by an errant meteor. The entire film only stretches out to an hour and 11 minutes, including the credits, which poses a strange glass-half-empty, glass-half-full predicament: If you hate it, it will at least be over soon. But then you have to come to grips with the fact that youve paid full price for at best two-thirds of a movie.

Oh, its also shot in black and white.

The Party should have been better. It should have been so much better.

The Party" is rated R for language and drug use; running time: 71 minutes.

Cillian Murphy
Have You Seen This? Giant 1,000 lb. bear is made of nightmare juice
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Bears are terrifying. This giant bear is a walking-living nightmare. - photo by John Clyde


NIGHTMARE LAND Many of you know that I am not a big fan of bears. I know you think they're adorable, but I promise you won't think they're so cuddly and cute when they dismember you for kicks and then use your bones as toothpicks to get your Abercrombie shirt out of their teeth.

Sorry to get graphic, I'm just very passionate about this subject and the fact that we need to prepare for the Bearpocalypse. Bears hope to be our four-legged overlords and considering their brute strength, speed, all-terrain bodies and growing intelligence, it's going to be tough to stop Bearmageddon.

I had hope that we humans were still in control of our own destiny, but then I found this video that is straight out of a nightmare and now I fear for our kind.

This video is a year old and was taken in Alaska, the scariest place on earth due to the bear to human ratio. They call this bear 747 because he's the size of a passenger jet and if he decides to crash with you aboard there will be no survivors.

I know you're thinking 747 is a big cuddly mammal and when he scratches his back on that tree your eyes get all starry and your mouth starts making that, "ahhh" shape. Resist it. Fight it. Survive. 747 is using the tree to limber up to make sure he is poised and ready to take you down if you get a little too close.

Apparently, it's possible to take a bear tour to see 747 and others like him, and you can if that's your prerogative. People like to do stuff like that. Some people also like to hunt ghosts and perform seances because who doesn't want to live in an actual nightmare?

Please stay away from 747 and prepare yourself for the Bearpocalypse.