By PAWNEE ANNIE
One never stops learning! Here are my latest discoveries. You probably know these things already.
• I have learned that:
People don’t read articles in the newspaper, no matter how good they might be, if they are not broken up into small paragraphs. I will try harder.
One can eat dandelions. The yellow flower is the part one can eat. But the bitter leaves underneath the flower need to be peeled off first. The stem also is not included in the meal.
Weight gain is inevitable unless one is super endowed with family genes and/or has high metabolism.
Fat cells live in our beds. They are lazy and slovenly. When one retires, the body is just fine. It is full of food, but is still looking pretty good. When morning comes, and one arises and puts hands on waist or stomach, one discovers there is fat that appears out of nowhere. I conclude that those fat cells glob on at night.
• I have learned that:
There are little people-creatures who live behind the baseboards.
Mae June mentioned at coffee that these beings take things and use them to decorate their little homes behind the baseboards.
When an earring disappears, the little creatures have taken it and used it for a wall decoration in their little houses. They take rings, cell phones, glasses, purses, keys…You name it.
Eventually they put them back, but they never put them where I originally left them. Got that?
• I have learned that:
One must never put a plastic container of liquid cheese uncovered in the refrigerator. Inevitably, one will accidentally touch the container, propelling it at 75 miles per hour out on to the floor, splashing cheese on the refrigerator shelves, on the ceiling, all over the cupboard doors, and on the top of the poor person’s head. Yes. This really happened.
One should always cover cucumbers and onions in vinegar dishes when placing them in the refrigerator. Otherwise, the milk, cheese, yogurt, and everything else will taste like cucumbers and onions. (Fred suggested this to reprimand me. Ha)
• I have learned that:
Clothes shrink on hangers in the closet.
Coupons seldom are what they say they are. One saves more buying the “other“ brand.
Rice should never be dumped down the garbage disposal. It turns to cement in the pipes, and guess who profits from that?
Gas prices only go down AFTER the vacation. Plane fares go up and never go down when the gas price decreases.
The deck of cards in the drawer has only 51 cards.
The screw that is loose requires a special screwdriver which you don’t have.
One needs to put one’s name and address or phone number in every single coat that one owns. I have lost my favorite coat. It’s a mint green light weight car coat, and I didn’t have my name in it. I didn’t miss it until a season had passed.
Gremlins come out at night and play with computers. Next morning nothing is the same, even though the night before everything was working perfectly.
That’s what I think.
And how was YOUR week?

“Woman’s View” is Judi Tabler’s reflection of her experiences and events. She is a wife, mother, writer, teacher, grandmother, and even a great grandmother.