BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama flew to India on Air Force One Friday followed by 40 airliners full of staffers and friends. He also ordered 34 U.S. warships and an aircraft carrier to accompany him.
Most guys going through a mid-life crisis simply buy a red Corvette.
The White House rented out all 600 rooms of the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel for Obama Friday.
The hotel staff draped fine nets on the balcony to shield the president from monkeys that sling poo.
Where were they last week when he needed them?
Obama arrived in India Friday where he will enjoy a state dinner and give a televised speech. Obama has one great advantage when speaking to the people of this country.
If his Teleprompter breaks down while he’s in India, tech support is a local call.
Meanwhile, back in the U.S., the White House will host a “Slurpee Summit” with GOP leaders next week after the president said Republicans drink Slurpees while he works hard for the people.
It’s one more thing for Obama to do while he’s in India.
Find someone who knows how to work a Slurpee machine.
Obama vowed Wednesday to rebuild the connection he lost with American voters. He spent the last year engaging voters in backyard chats.
He was going to do front yard chats but then you get the foreclosure sign in the picture.
New Zealand’s Prime Minister John Phillip Key accidentally referred to Hillary Clinton as President Clinton at their joint news conference down in Wellington Friday.
It got everybody’s attention. Two years ago he told everybody to buy Apple.
Meg Whitman reported spending $140 million of her own money losing in California Tuesday.
Linda McMahon spent $60 million of her own money to lose in Connecticut.
You know the economy’s bad when you put $200 million into a job search and you still come up empty.   
The Weather Channel reports record-high temperatures over the Desert Southwest this weekend due to a high pressure system over the Imperial Desert. It doesn’t feel like fall.
It was so hot in Nevada Friday that Harry Reid’s supporters were rigging ice machines.
An American Kennel Club poll said Thursday the Labrador Retriever is America’s favorite dog. Which type varies by region.
The favorite breed in New England is the Red Lab, the favorite out West is the Silver Lab, and the most popular in the South is the Meth Lab.
DEA agents found a half-mile-long tunnel from Mexico into San Diego Thursday. They have to make it look like a tunnel for drug smugglers and terrorists. If they say it’s used by illegal aliens the Obama administration will make it a stimulus project and expand it to eight lanes.
Jeb Bush was reported Thursday to be seriously considering a run for president in two years. The man is motivated.
He’s heading up to Kennebunkport for Thanksgiving and he’s tired of sitting at the folding table with the people who haven’t been president.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)