HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama sent 100 U.S. combat troops to Uganda Friday to help Uganda repel Christian rebels.
It came as a shock to Americans.
Everyone who bet that Iran was the next war had to buy a beer for everyone who bet that Africa would be the next war.
The White House planned sanctions on Iran after foiling a terrorist attack. I
ran tried to assassinate a Saudi ambassador in Washington by hiring a Mexican hit man.
It caused anger when people realized that American hit men are seeing their jobs out-sourced to Mexico.
Obama hosted a beer summit in Pittsburgh Monday with four unemployed construction workers.
He left feeling a lot better about the future.
They explained to the president that once his unemployment runs out he can fake an injury and go on disability.
Occupy Wall Street protesters refused to leave the private property where they have camped in New York for a city-required clean-up Friday.
The protesters are dedicated and committed young revolutionaries willing to give up their lives to bring down Wall Street.
They only have a couple of weeks to do it before the first freeze ends the movement.
Obama’s campaign reported Friday it raised $70 million in the third quarter.
The number of fund raising events declined from 51 to 18.
That’s because they had to merge them to meet the minimum required to book the banquet room.
“Two and a Half Men’s” Ashton Kutcher was threatened with divorce after four starlets claimed hot tub affairs with him this past week.
It’s the show’s fault.
They have a method acting coach who told him that in order to replace Charlie Sheen he has to be Charlie Sheen.
Bill Clinton was honored by celebrities at a Hollywood Bowl concert Saturday.
It was to celebrate his 65th birthday.
Last week Bill went on David Letterman’s show where they entertained the country with tips about how to keep your job and your interns.
BlackBerry interruption spread from Europe to the United States Thursday, causing e-mail and Web outages.
The experience was just horrifying.
It was the first time many people under thirty had ever made eye contact with the person across the table from them.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)
