HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama got his lowest job approval numbers on Monday.
Years ago during rush hour Michelle called him to warn him that a crazed idiot was driving on the wrong way on the freeway.
Barack replied that he’d already counted about 400 of them.
Sunset Boulevard was shut down Monday as Obama attended a fund raiser hosted by Steven Spielberg at the House of Blues.
Everyone’s used to it. Los Angeles cops shut down traffic in both directions whenever Steven Spielberg drives in from Malibu.
The Washington Monument was closed for repairs Tuesday as workers rappelled up and down the obelisk to check for earthquake damage.
They had to hurry. Word got out there was crack in the Washington Monument and the crowds are a threat to public safety.
Boeing completed the sale of its new Dream Liner Monday to All Nippon Airways.
It’s a huge, light and super luxurious passenger liner that’s made out of plastic composite material. The plane is able to carry 600 people, or about 300 Americans.
The White House asked a court Monday to keep all videos of Osama bin Laden secret that were taken when the SEALs assassinated him.
There are 52 videos of the hit.
As it stands they only show it at bachelor parties when someone at the Pentagon gets married.
“The Secret Book of CIA Humor” by CIA agent and stand-up comic Ed Mikolus discloses funny things that happen to CIA agents overseas.
You think you have it tough?
This guy had to play the Chuckle Hut in Abbottabad the night after we knocked off Osama bin Laden.   
Charlie Sheen was paid $25 million Monday to settle his firing from “Two and a Half Men.”
He’ll also get paid $150 million over eight years.
If you give a drug addict in Los Angeles more than $25 million at a time it could kill him.
Michael Jackson’s executor said he was worth $300 million Monday as his doctor’s trial began.
He’s charged with manslaughter.
That’s because he refused to plead guilty to a lesser charge of quadrupling a celebrity’s worth without his permission.  
Dominique Strauss-Kahn asked a judge to have his hotel maid’s civil suit against him dismissed.
He says his IMF job gave him diplomatic immunity from a rape lawsuit.
He’s arguing, and not without merit, that every hotel room in America is legally French territory.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)