God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Keeping Up with the Kardashians is spotlighting a new romance between Khloe and Cleveland Cavaliers basketball star Tristan Thompson. It’s right on time. The Kardashian family has only one fashion rule, and that is, never bring a white guy home after Labor Day, he might turn into a chick.
Donald Trump surged into a lead in several of the presidential polls Monday due to surprising support from Millennial generation voters. This generation of voters may identify with Trump’s narcissism. Millennials in Los Angeles don’t do cocaine because it blocks their reflection in the mirror.
Celebrity Apprentice began filming in L.A. before its January debut on NBC hosted by Arnold Schwarzenegger. He takes a lot of kidding for his movie performances. In his bodybuilding days, Arnold was known as the Austrian Oak but then he began acting and was known as the Austrian Oak.
Bill Cosby’s judge in Philadelphia set a June date for his sexual assault trial for drugging and having sex with woman. In addition to this trial, Cosby is suing seven of his 50 accusers for defamation. It’s important to him that the public knows that 14 percent of his accusers are lying.
The National Football League season begins tonight with a Super Bowl rematch as the Denver Broncos host the Carolina Panthers. It’s America’s game. During the Super Bowl, Hillary Clinton saw the C on the Panthers helmets but told the FBI she didn’t know what it stood for.
Vladimir Putin was busted plotting to cyber-meddle in the U.S. election to get even with Hillary, who as Secretary of State tried to subvert Putin in his last presidential campaign. It’s nasty. Putin’s spies gave Hillary the same poison that kills all his opponents, but it only gave Hillary a little cough.
Hillary Clinton’s four-minute coughing fit onstage in Cleveland Tuesday was blamed by aides on her allergies and the high pollen count in Ohio. It’s that time of year. The pollen count in the Middle West is making people so miserable that junkies are converting their meth back into Sudafed.
House Democrats threatened a government shutdown in three weeks by refusing to cooperate on a spending bill. The negotiations involving Members and lobbyists always last right up until the midnight deadline of the final date. It’s always the slowest night of the year for DC escort services.
Bill Clinton told the AFL-CIO Labor Day picnic Monday that he acted like Robin Hood in the way that he ran the Clinton Foundation. That should get bipartisan agreement. For eight years, House Republicans complained that Bill’s presidency was like having Errol Flynn in the Oval Office.
Philippines president Rodrigo Duerte apologized at the Group of 20 Summit for publicly calling President Obama a son of a whore. He said he didn’t intend any disrespect. It’s just that he’s been watching Donald Trump and he thought that’s the traditional way you address Democrats.
President Obama cited Vladimir Putin for cyber-attacks in America and ordered the Russians to desist at the G-20 Summit. When the two leaders met out in the hallway, photographers caught them standing eye-to-eye and glaring at each other. Everyone loves the staged drama at the weigh-ins.
California voters will go to the polls in November to decide on whether to legalize marijuana in the state. Proponents of pot legalization point out that it will provide the state a much-needed new industry. The economy is so bad in California even the earthquakes are moving back to Oklahoma.
House Democrats refused the GOP compromise Tuesday that would provide Zika funding if Democrats agree to reverse the ban on flying Confederate flags in federal cemeteries. Good luck with that concession. You’d have a better chance of getting Friday declared Casual Sex Day at Fox News.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com